Me in the raw

I've been depressed lately. I'm not going to hide it. I don't ever hide my emotions- I think it's not possible for me. Another way of "Getting Myself Back" is to get myself back to happy. I started a new business that will hopefully help Blake and me get back on our feet after he lost his job back in January of this year. He has a job now and has for about a month but money hasn't been back in our bank since we have to get caught up with life. We have a large adoption debt (which I wouldn't trade for anything cause I love my darling daughter) and I have loads of hospital bills from when I was in the hospital over a year ago. We haven't been able to pay ANY of them off since we have had no money. And as silly as this may sound, the loss of my little dog Junior has been a huge factor in my depression. He was my baby when I couldn't have children. He served his time here on Earth well. He was there for me and he did his job. I'm grateful to have had my little baby when he passed so I wasn't empty handed.
My husband is such a hard worker. I love him and I'm so thankful for him too. He loves me and Gracie and that is the best thing a husband can do. He is a hard worker. He wants what's best for us and he works hard to get it. Oh I love my little family.
I have amazing friends too who have helped me SO much during this rough year. I was lucky enough to be with many of them last night. We talk about everything under the sun. We cry and laugh with each other. I love them so much. Which brings me to my next reason for my depression. I'm the heaviest one. Last night I didn't want to be in pictures with them because I know I look fat in pictures and they are so gorgeous and thin. They have worked hard to get where they are, however. And I need to work just as hard to reach my goals. I want to lose 30 pounds. I know I can do it. I wish there was an easy way to do it but there isn't. I need to get my butt to the gym daily. No excuses.